Sometimes, a few whispered words in the dead of night can haunt you. After a heated argument, our reader lay in bed, only to hear her husband lean over and whisper something that shattered her. The next morning, he dismissed it as nothing—but the weight of those words didn’t fade.

One of our readers sent us a message.

My husband and I argued at night, so we slept in separate rooms. I was struggling to fall asleep, so I was lying with my eyes closed. He came into the room to grab something, then paused beside the bed, leaned over, and whispered, “I wish we’d never married.” The next morning, I couldn’t get those words out of my head. I decided to ask him directly if he really meant it. He looked at me, clearly confused, and said I must have been dreaming. I’m sure I heard him say it. What should I do? Thanks for reaching out! This is definitely a challenging situation, and we’re here with some suggestions that might make things easier.

Consider the context and emotional state.

Sometimes people say hurtful things when they’re tired, stressed, or upset. It’s important to consider that this could have been an impulsive remark or a misunderstanding. Reflect on what led up to the argument and his behavior at other times—it can help you gauge how seriously to take what you heard.

Choose a calm moment to talk.

Avoid discussing it right after the argument or at night. Find a time when you’re both relaxed and ready for an open conversation. Start with “I felt…” statements, for example: “I can’t get your words from last night out of my head. Can we talk about what they meant?” This approach reduces defensiveness.

Listen and ask clarifying questions.

Try to understand what he meant and how he was feeling. Ask open-ended questions without accusing, like: “What were you feeling at that moment?” or “Was that something you truly meant?” Often, answers clarify misunderstandings and show that the words were not intended to hurt.

Watch for recurring patterns.

If comments like this or ongoing dissatisfaction with the marriage keep happening, it may indicate a deeper problem. If it was a one-time comment, it’s more likely linked to stress or fatigue. Distinguishing between impulsive words and repeated signs of unhappiness is key.

Discuss ways to handle conflicts together.

After your talk, try to agree on strategies for dealing with arguments or emotional outbursts in the future. For example, taking a separate space to cool down is fine, but make sure to revisit the issue calmly afterward so that unresolved words don’t linger and create worry.

Consider seeking outside help.

If this keeps happening or causes ongoing anxiety, a family therapist can help. A professional can provide a safe space to express emotions, help you both understand each other, and teach effective communication skills to prevent misunderstandings and strengthen trust.