Once we have decided to become parents, we should undoubtedly be aware of all the responsibilities that come with having a child. Yes, having a baby is sometimes inconvenient, uncomfortable and almost never lonely. This should be understood. But at some subconscious level we hope that someone will help us: friends or relatives. And a lot of hope is usually placed in parents in particular. But they are not always ready.

A viral story from Reddit

One day,this story appeared on Reddit, which did not leave many people indifferent:

I asked my mom to help me take care of my newborn, so I could go back to work once my leave is up. Mind you, my mom is 64, has been a homemaker/stay-at-home-mom since 1992, and hasn’t been part of the workforce since then.

She refused, saying she’s too old and that she already raised her kids. She also added that if I really wanted this baby, then maybe I should have thought about staying home like she did to take care of it while my partner goes to work and provides for us like a “traditional” family, and that if she any my dad were able to work it out, so can we.

There is no way me and my partner can make it financially on one income. I as the higher breadwinner, have an internal obligation to go back to work since not only I have the most at stake, I also make the most to keep our family afloat. We are currently in a small, 1 bedroom apartment in a metropolitan area, and would need to save money to move to a 2 bedroom once the baby grows up in a couple of years as we will need more space.

When I explained it to my mom, she said she will charge me $20/hr for each hour she takes care of the baby, plus late fees if we are late for pickup. And we must provide her with a carseat, stroller, bottles, and pretty much double of everything we have at our home to compensate for taking the baby to her house.

I want to save money to bring down our debt, and don’t want to pay her as much nor invest as much in double of everything as it will spiral into more debt for me and my partner. I’m on the fence about enrolling my baby into an infant daycare instead as the cost will overall be lower and a little closer to our home. Due to our jobs, we cannot work from home so we are in desperate need of childcare. Everyone else in our family works full time so they cannot help us as they have a similar 9-5 schedule.

So, am I so bad for wanting my mom, who again is at home all day long (trust me, she does not do anything besides watch TV and cook meals), to take care of my baby for free while me and my partner try to fix our finances?

When our child was little, my partner worked 8 AM until 4 PM, and I worked 6 PM until midnight. We also made sure that we had the same day off. It saved so much money. Admittedly we hardly saw each other until our child started school, but sometimes needs must.

As a grandmother who did some part-time babysitting for my youngest grand, I think you need to find other solutions. I would never have agreed to full-time childcare. Your husband’s salary will barely cover the cost of newborn childcare, and after extra taxes and commute costs savings, it will be cheaper for him not to work, so he needs to stay home with the baby.

I say this as a first-time mom to my 10-month daughter. Because we originally didn’t have childcare and both worked night shifts, one of us had to change our work schedule. I stayed during the day, and my partner stayed at night. It is hard that we can’t always do things together, but again it’s a sacrifice we make. Thankfully, my aunt helps watch her 3 days out of the week so that my partner gets better sleep. But whenever she’s sick or on vacation, that’s our typical routine. I do pay her even though she didn’t ask for it.

Families help each other. I’ll be heading back to work, and my 65 y.o. mother will be looking after my baby for two days. And I am sorry you don’t have the family support you want. If it was “back in the day” and one income could support your household, this wouldn’t be an issue. It does take a village to raise a child and wanting family support is only natural.